If a flight attendant ducks down at your side, watch out: it could mean bad news.
Reddit users decided to delve into the world of flight attendants and asked them the following question: What are some things that flight attendants know but passengers don’t? Here are some of the best answers.
*If you’re a fan of planes and travelling in them, you might want to skip this article. If, on the other hand, you’re slightly masochistic or hate to fly, then fasten your seatbelts and enjoy your journey to the darkest, dirtiest and most secret corners of the plane!
“A flight attendant told me that in the event of a situation where passengers have to cover their heads, you do not ‘lock’ your fingers over head but place one hand on top of the other. If something falls on your hand/head, you’ll still have one good hand to use.”
“I’m a flight attendant…. So many incidents occur on the plane that every day passengers don’t see or consider. On my last flight an elderly man accidentally shit on the floor, stepped in it, and walked on it like it was nothing. DO NOT WALK AROUND BAREFOOT. Pee and poop happens, all over. I feel like I witness an “accident” regularly. In their seats or in the lavatory, people get nose bleeds or their wounds open. Obviously when we land it is thoroughly cleaned, but inflight, our resources are limited. DON’T CHANGE YOUR BABY’S DIAPER ON THE TRAY TABLE. This also happens all the time. It’s unsanitary and people use the tray table to eat, put their personal things on, etc.”
“Yes, on trans-oceanic flights there is a cabin for crew to get some sleep. No, you won’t be invited in for fun times. On some newer planes there’s also a hold for people who have died on the flight. No, you won’t be invited in for fun times either.”
“If you piss off the cabin crew, they will fart on you. The pressure on an aircraft makes you naturally gassy and it’s easy to puff one off in the face of an annoying git while bending down to speak to someone on the opposite side of the aisle.”
“If a meal is on offer, pass. It was probably prepared the day before”.
“There are sometimes body parts in the storage area near your luggage (when they are flying transplants for hospitals). Your pets are in the same area as well.”
“If I tell the pilot, “I don’t feel safe with the passenger in seat 35A”, you can and most likely will be removed from the plane. So think twice before acting like a complete and utter jackass on the plane. Standard jackass behaviour is usually tolerated”
“We do not ask you to put your seats in an upright position during takeoffs and landings because we are jerks. It’s because we have ninety seconds to evacuate the plane in case of emergency and your reclined seat may impede the person in the row behind you from getting out.”
“It was fairly common for people to leave phones, tablets, wallets etc in seat pockets which we would then find during security checks on turnaround. We can’t take them back to the base airport due to security so they get handed over to a dispatcher with paperwork. We’ve just got to hope the dispatcher doesn’t pocket them.”
“We know if you’re having sex in the bathroom. We can open the doors very easily from outside, so think about it twice”.
“If we say, ‘Thank you for flying with us’ or ‘See you next time’, it’s because we aren’t allowed to insult you. If we could, we would”.
“Safety and security is the first priority onboard. Your comfort and happiness is just an added bonus.”
“You haven’t seen bad turbulence unless the overhead lockers have opened and you have bags falling down on top of you.”
“In the event of a decompression, you only have a few seconds before your brain starts being starved of oxygen. Get your oxygen mask on PRONTO.”
“Do not inflate life jackets inside if the plane lands in water. If the cabin starts to fill with water, you’ll be unable to swim down to the exit.”
“If you pay for ‘extra legroom’, then be aware that some of these seats are by unscrewed emergency exits. If you have a disability or require an extension seat belt, then we will have to move you for safety purposes.”
I still remember the order of priorities in survival situations by the phrase: Pilots Like Wet Fannys. (Protection, Location, Water, Food)”.
“Colleagues of mine used to sell their stinky old used cabin shoes to foot fetishists on eBay. You can also sell your used, unwashed, tights.”
“To any fellow crew out there, if you find yourself in an emergency situation where fire is present, whip off your nylon tights so your legs don’t go up in flames. To any passengers out there, don’t make the crew hate you. The farting thing mentioned in another comment, COMPLETELY TRUE.”